Busy-body Building for Women

Not long ago I received a flier in the mail advertising a conference for women.

"Now, more than ever," the flier said, "you have unlimited potential when it comes to what you can achieve." I hoped they would explain why now, more than ever, so I read on:

"All it takes is the right attitude, the right plan, the right opportunities, and the right tools." Is that it? Why, they make it sound so easy!

There were a number of interesting workshops being offered. One was entitled "Feng Shui: Hidden messages in one's work environment."

I can see it now. Jane, who has just taken this course, walks into Carol's office. She notes that the picture of Carol's husband is at a slight angle to the tape dispenser. This gives Jane powerful insight into Carol's personal matters...

Jane: I'm sorry about your marriage problems, Carol.
Carol: Wha--how did you
Jane: It seems to me (here she glances toward the window and notes a tropical plant with several yellowing leaves) that you and your husband need to talk about your financial disagreements and put the matter of the toaster oven behind you.
Carol: Hey! Who told
Jane: And for the love of Mike, lose the natural oak CD holder. I'd go with one of those metal ones, if you get my drift.
Carol: No, I dont get your
Jane: See you at the meeting this afternoon.

Carol might be interested in taking another of the workshops being offered: "How to keep difficult people from ruining your day."

This one also looked interesting: "Tips and techniques for navigating delicate interactions like a pro. How to address even the most awkward topicslike body odor, bad breath, poor table manners, and inappropriate dressin a way that leaves everyone's dignity intact."

At the meeting later that afternoon...

George: Okay, I think that about wraps it up, unless anyone has anything else to add.
Jane: Ahem.
George: Jane? Did you want to say something?
Jane: That was a great report, George; thanks for sharing it. Also, I find that the Island Mist foaming hand wash conveniently placed by the breakroom sink is very effective for cleaning hands as well as providing a fresh pleasant scent.
George: (stares at Jane a moment) Uh, yeah. Okay, thanks, Jane.
Jane: One enjoys being around someone who has just used Island Mist foaming hand wash.
George: Right. Im sure it's a nice experience
Jane: And one doesnt always enjoy being around those with a, shall we say, distinctly un-Island Mistlike aroma.
George: I think Ill go wash my hands.
Jane: It takes a strong vice-president of marketing to say that, George.
George: Thanks, Jane. By the way, youre fired.

At least Georges dignity was left intact.

Angie Brennan is a freelance humor writer, cartoonist, and illustrator. She and her family live in Maryland. For more humor, visit Angie's website at: http://angiebrennan.com